Facebook’s gone, feels different. I’ve had it for so long.
Work, sleep, think…leave some mint chip soon.
Sad. Angry. Confused.
Figure out that gosh darn fasfa. Mom’s in retirement.
Find a Celica-Supra or rx-7

http://beastcode.bandcamp.com/track/yeayeayea

As I write this, listen truly reader. It concerns true love.
If you find the person you love, don’t ever lose hope.
Don’t ever give up.
They might yell at you, they might hurt you.
They might say things to you to defeat your spirit.
Your spirit
shall not be defeated.
Continue towards your goal my friend.
Continue on. Because what you want, you shall have.
Do everything
you said you would.
Even if you were lazy or you lied about things that hurt the other person.
Sometimes we think lying about the truth protects the other person from being hurt. A long time I thought this.
Actually it DOUBLES the hurt.
Because when the other person finds out. They feel deceit, betrayal, distrust, and anger.
I struggle changing this.
I fail against temptation too.
I fall sometimes too.
Yet understand, if one man was capable of change before you.
So it can be done, and others can follow or lead the way.
If you love someone, don’t give up on your love.
do what you have to get them back.
prove yourself.
It’s inside you.
do it.

Life is short sometimes, but true love is long

Updated all my pictures on tumblr, not sure why I had some old ones from before still on here. More streamlined now, above the most beautiful women out there. I get jealous when other guys look at her, but im proud to
be hers at the end of the day.
 

Listening to this while writing to my mom….

As I write this, its officially 11:39 am, April 27th the day after my birthday. 
Yesterday I know you wanted to take me out to eat, but my plan was to take you out to eat. I was just depressed, I didn’t feel like going out anywhere. I had slept all day and at night I left on a long bike ride. You were most likely worried about me, I slept in Craig Park that night. I just needed to be alone and away from everybody I needed to think. At my best I become retrospective and very reflective when no one is around while I’m reading. I returned to home at 7am, the sun was shining in my face. It was beautiful day, but a dark time for me. 

It’s the 28th 9:58am, I slept in the park again, you must of been worried again, but I’ve been trying to figure out the right things to say and do. I’ve decided to become born again, better late then never? I have a wife mom, but I’ve treated her badly. I have a kid, but I haven’t been a good father, sorry bella. 

I’d like to say you never did anything wrong mom, you were one of the best things to happen in my life. 

ALCOHOL, well the whole reason I’ve been drinking it is because when I was 12 and in the apartments I had my first sip and my first smoke. I was with the wrong crowd, I was hanging out with older men. It’s always seemed like I’ve hung out with older guys. I guess I was just always looking for a dad, and these guys provided that. A sense of brotherhood I always wanted an older brother to learn from, I’m sure I told you that when i was young. I started seeing drinking and smoking as something that makes you a man. I’ve seen it so many times it feels hard to change my way of thinking, but I’m going to have to,  if i want to become the man you both want me to be. I’ll be the first to admit, I feel weak about it sometimes. So weak. I don’t let anyone see it or you. I hate crying in front of you, I always wanted to be your man mom, and protect you. So I could never let you see me cry, deep down inside though I know I’ll always be your little baby. The truth is, I know it too. You had to be my dad and my mom at the same time. In moments I struggled to understand this. You did such a great job, I’ll always regret having to hug you behind bars. 

I remember when you were driving me to the court, we were fighting and you told me

“your the biggest mistake of 18 years of my life.”

that hurt so much, even just thinking about it makes me cry. I guess I felt a little colder after that. My whole life I just wanted to make you proud, but I’ve been afraid of failing you, sometimes I get so scared of a good thing happening, I just set myself up for failure. I hurt you and others around me before I let them hurt me. I’m scared they’ll hurt me, I’m quite sensitive and I’ve always hated losing my friends. 

That’s why even though a lot of my friends are involved in drugs, I feel for them. I love them. I’ve known them before that. I guess I have a lot of loyalty and I always see the good in them. I know it’s there. They just got involved in the wrong things, I wish I could help them but if they want to do what they want to do, they will. I know that first and foremost. At my best I want to be a shining light for them, an example. Jesus was for everyone. I guess you taught me that.

You always taught me to never hit a women either, but sometimes I get so sacred of losing her or you, I would just trap you both to not let you out. I remember when you used to go to work I would cry, everytime you left, because I was afraid to lose you. you’ve always been my family mom and my rock. I know someday you’ll die. I hope I’m half as strong as you to continue on. I know I’ll cry for weeks, who knows. How was a 8 year old kid, supposed to live without his mom right by him? 

You never dated around at all, you always stayed true to your husband. Even through death for better or worst. You kept your vows. 

Yeah, remember this bomb

Thinking of you, light my soul 
Flying in spirit, never letting go
This heart is forever snows
I guess I, I guess I, I guess

I over-stood, that’s why I didn’t understand. 
Now I’m bridging the gap, like braces on your teeth
All the different faces I meet, cant replace those feet
Running in me like 24 fitness, Metaphors I fit in this
Can’t fully describe my love, Foolish I was and unworthy of 
Anything from you, doing everything for me, 
Nothing worth having, yet something gave birth
It was a thought, dreams a dollar cant buy
Us together which seems priceless, ima paint a scene
Close your eyes, forget what  you’ve seen and think

Thinking of you, light my soul
Flying in spirit, never letting go
This heart is forever snows
I guess I, I guess I, I guess

I can’t buy your love, but you can bet I’ll take care of you
If I can’t fly, I’ll drive, If I can’t drive, I’ll bike, If I cant bike, I’ll walk,
If I fall, I’ll crawl and If I can’t crawl god bless me, give it my all.
middle finger to the devil, while making angels in the snow. 
If hell is cold, they can’t handle this heat, I breath like a bull
Then exhale like god’s son, where all these devils from? 
They in those half empty bottles, Them broken relationships
Which never got to set sail, I whisper forever in her ear to tell
“I’ll never jump boat, and if I sway, read them letters I wrote.”
I wont fade like a ghost, I’ll shine inside you like true love

Thinking of you, light my soul
Flying In spirit, never letting go
This heart is forever snows
I guess I, I guess I, I guess

A little late but for what it’s worth, wake up we going to early birds
I picked you up in my supra, gosh darn you looking super-duper
It’s beach day like I told you, and I’m holding you at sunset. 
Since we met, I choose you misty, hope you missed me. I get it, 
you got angry, I was a dumbass, I blew it. But guess what? 
I blow it up again, you the air beneath my wings, hear me sing…

I do not remember when exactly I first met her, excuse me if this is considered impolite or simply cliche as a man. I do remember it was before my birthday 4/26/2012, she bought me new glasses. This would be around $300…When we first started dating my thoughts had been revenge, I wanted to get “back” at my ex. I had a lot of rage, a lot of anger, a lot of hate. Hate is before apathy when you just don’t care. Now, I don’t care much. Before, I cared a lot. Either way things affected me from my past relationship. Self-esteem issues, confidence, and the way I viewed women. Then Dominique Rodriguez walked into my life. Everything that I hoped for in someone and would hopefully love someone for, was once again established. I took this for granted. A commited relationship. Not someone who was looking for another or took you for granted, as I felt in the last place I was in. So I cheated on her. I talked to other women, I flirted, although online it might as well been the same thing as kissing someone else. If the situation was turned out and she did this to me. I know for a fact I would never talk to her again, I would hold a grudge until the day I died. Eventually, as all bad things happen a good thing happened. She found out, unregrettably. I found out was it was like to be without her. I felt like dieing like that lil wayne song. To this day I do not wish to change things, rather I have learned what I’ve learned. If I could pass any knowledge unto you. It would be 

1. Do not change because you have to, change because you want to

2. She may be angry with you for a long time, understand  how you would feel if the situation was turned around. How would  you feel?

3. Do whatever you have to  to win her back, be prepared to go to jail

4. You lied, and now you are considered a liar deal with the repercussions.

5. A bridge can built in 10 years, but destroyed in 10 minutes.

6. Do whatever you have to win her back. Listen to yourself and no one else.
 

Been seeing K-MEL a lot more since he’s staying with LIL ROCK in FULLERTON, what a small hip-hop world when your making the rounds. Percee P was at the park for an event “B-BOY SUMMIT”. To this day he still sells CD’s on hand to customers and fans alike, a true underground legend. 

Keep in mind that although I have no prior knowledge of such things. I do remember listening about older heads talk about this these things. The best way I can describe the event was THROWBACK in it’s truest form. Completely raw. 

You walk in the gate through the surrounding fence. You see kid’s skating, landing tricks. Bikers riding on the superior court, since it had shapes which one could take the bike through a gnarly elevation. A soccer court, which was fenced in, complete with referee’s the park was alive with activity. Last but not least we had B-BOY SUMMIT. Writer’s putting their name and crew on a canvas which was set against a fence. You could see they were very focused. Percee P was the MC for this event. He was freestyling and letting everyone know what was going. In the middle we had a cypher where all the freestyle dancers could go in and showcase their moves. Just be free. One could smell marijuana smoke from somewhere. Well-known names within community had made an appearance. KRASH, MACHINE, STEELO, LIL-ROCK, K-MEL, BOOGIE FRANTIK, PERCEE-P, LOOTPACK members. It was an interesting day. The clouds were overcast, but my mindstate was shining in all this love and unity. 

It was just that. Hip-hop love, chilling at the park where anyone could come in and partake. Judged neither because of race, color, background or amount of money. Rather judged on the amount of flavor you brought on the mic, floor or canvas. That was my day at the park.